I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
