So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
