i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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