I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
