Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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