I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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