No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I said "one day" and that day is not today
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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