just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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