this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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