The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
