i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
