New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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