Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
