break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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