I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
