At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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