They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
