Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hippo gnu deer
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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