I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
