Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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