Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
