I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
