I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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