kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm at about main and main street
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
