Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
