awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
