i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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