I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
