We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
