Your face is a jimmy john
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
