tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
