I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
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