I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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