i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
