im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
