4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
