dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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