I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
