u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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