with your own penis?
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
