I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
