yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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