I'm jealous of your bromance
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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