do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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