It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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