im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
