Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
