if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
