Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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