Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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