Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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