but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
