is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
