I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
