Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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