Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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