We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
send nudes
from the living room?
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