We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
