If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
