so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
