You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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