ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
