everyone is single if you try hard enough
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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