i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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