HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just saw a hot homeless man
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
