I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
