dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
