is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it because I queefed?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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