Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
