Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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