Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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