The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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