just survived the first fart of the relationship.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
